Obama Promises Syria Strike Will Have No Objective

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)— originally published in The New Yorker

Attempting to quell criticism of his proposal for a limited military mission in Syria, President Obama floated a more modest strategy today, saying that any U.S. action in Syria would have “no objective whatsoever.”

“Let me be clear,” he said in an interview on CNN. “Our goal will not be to effect régime change, or alter the balance of power in Syria, or bring the civil war there to an end. We will simply do something random there for one or two days and then leave.”

US To Fund Over $423 Million in Mortgages - For Palestinians!

A vineyard near the West Bank city of Nablus
. (AP Photo/Dan Balilty)

(CNSNews.com) - Story by Terence Jeffery - The U.S. government will fund $313 million in home mortgages for Palestinians living on the West Bank, according to a Government Accountability Office report released Monday.

The U.S. will also guarantee $110 million in loans to small- and medium-sized businesses located on the West Bank.

The mortgage and business-loan activities will be conducted by the federal Overseas Private Investment Corporation (OPIC). “OPIC is the U.S. Government’s development finance institution,” says OPIC’s website. “OPIC provides financial products, such as loans and guaranties; political risk insurance; and support for investment funds, all of which help American businesses expand into